Iwashed my private parts quickly. I did not explore my vaginal area, andhoped I wouldn't need to anytime soon. The thought of even having avagina, Fallopian tubes and ovaries was way too freaky. Could I evenget pregnant? I wondered. I couldn't find any reason to believe I couldnot. But the act of making that happen seemed absolutely revolting.Washing my hair took a lot longer than I'd expected. It seemed to takeforever to get enough shampoo into it.Why is it that showering or bathing becomes a time when the mind worksat its deepest level? Perhaps it's the solitude of it all. As I wasgetting cleaned up, the clarity of what was happening began to sink in.My claims to amnesia probably would prove to be a good plan. Not onlywould I not know enough of my new life to not raise questionsotherwise, but I also found that I was still in a state of shock. Myemotions ranged from anger to grief. I was mourning the loss of my oldself, without the ability to process the weight of it all. I was. Although I ate everything momfixed (even veggies), I never seemed to put on weight. I had auburnhair, light eyebrows and long eyelashes. Even though I had somewhatshort hair people sometimes thought I was a girl. I mean I was neverever what would be called a boy's boy. I hated sports or rough housing,had a fear of heights. I preferred music, art and dance. I also readpoetry. I also refused to wear jeans or cordoroy pants.Mom was really fearful that I too would wind up joining a gang. Sheknew that I wasn't like the other boys in the neighborhood. I did hangaround with a few boys but was with mostly girls. One day I came homefrom visiting the girl across the street. She was carrying a few bagsfrom the local discount store.in the house and said she wanted to talk to me. In said okay and wentto use the bathroom. I came back downstairs and mom was sitting on thesofa with one of the shopping bags next to her. I sat in the chairopposite her. She looked right at me and smiled..
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